I was not a perfect mom in any way. I made mistakes and I failed. I hope to have showed my kids that it is ok to fail as long as you get up...
For the times I wasn't perfect I ask for forgiveness. Here are a few other good lessons I really love as well...
A few important rules to teach your daughter (and sons): 💕💕
1. It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt. But, wash your face, and get up off the floor when you’re done. You don’t belong down there.
2. You are a woman, you do NOT need a man, but you can absolutely enjoy your life with a good one.
3. Happiness is not a permanent state. Wholeness is. Don’t confuse these.
4. Never walk through an alley alone.
5. ‘Can’t’ - is a cop-out.
6. Hold your heroes to a high standard. Be your own hero.
7. If you can’t smile with your eyes don’t smile. Insincerity is nothing to aspire to.
8. Stay true to yourself always.
9. Your body, your rules.
10. If you have an opinion, you’d better know why.
11. Practice your passions.
12. Ask for what you want. The worst thing they can say is no.
13. Wish on stars, and then get to work to make them happen.
14. Stay as sweet as you are.
15. Say Please, Thank You, and Pardon Me, whenever the situation warrants it.
16. Reserve “I’m sorry” for when you truly are!
17. Question everything ... except your own intuition.
18. You are amazing! Don't let anyone ever make you feel you are not. If someone does....walk away. You deserve better.
19. No matter where you are, you can always come home.
20. Be happy and remember your roots, family is EVERYTHING.
21. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
22. Be kind; treat others how you would like them to treat you.
23. If in doubt, remember whose daughter you are and straighten your crown! 👑 #grayhairdontcare
I am the youngest. The BABY!
For years, my whole life actually, I've been called the baby, the golden child, the lucky one, the outspoken one or the spoiled brat. The latter title generally given to me by my older siblings. I’m sure that they never considered for even a second a few things that really have impacted my life. (And will continue to do so.)
How about the fact that, they were given whole decades longer with their mother. They were given memories of their father that I will never have. (He died when I was 8 mo. old.)
How about the fact that, Mathematically, I will bury all of them, they're spouses and a few of their children/grandchildren. I’ve already started this task that is given to me by nature and frankly, it's overrated but necessary. If I’m blessed, the math will work out and I will see approximately 40 of their funerals before mine.
Being the youngest had many perks and many drawbacks, but until you consider the drawbacks include funerals, being discounted as foolish, stupid, ridiculous, immature, fool hearted, too big, too small, too fast, too slow, too... Everything... it’s hard to say whether being the youngest is easier or not.
All I know is that this constant comparison of everything has torn me into pieces. Me, the baby, a title I gladly wield now, but hated as a child and as a teenager.
Many youngest children make the choice that I did, and take on the care of their parent or parents. If that makes me foolish. I’ll take that title every day. There are a few things no one can take from me during that period of time. No one can take away the hours of piano playing, crafting, walks around our neighborhood, or trips to taco John’s. Man, my mom Loved a taco Salad from Taco Johns. she also loved her children greatly, and moving her in with me, brought her closer to all of them. I don’t see them lining up to say thank you for that. I don’t see them lining up to pat me on the back. You see all of that time I was too fast to slow too big or too small I was learning. I was learning to stand on my own. Learning to tell myself thank you. Learning to pat myself on the back. Learning that being invisible to them, didn’t really matter. After all my God and I can see me, perfectly. Comparisons and all.
Grief.
It comes in many ways, from many directions- and the sting can catch me off guard at times.
I grieve losses. I think we all do.
The loss of my mom,
my brotherS.
Those are "normal" grief moments.
But what about those that aren't right there on the surface.
Estrangement has great grief. (And many other feelings.)
I am estranged from my daughter. There's great grief in not knowing.
My middle son is also estranged right now (I'll talk about these later. I'm not ready) which means I rely soley on his ex to allow me to see my granddaughter.
This little girl lived in my home for muxh of her first four years and I miss her greatly. 2-4 hours a month is so much better than the some other grandparents get or want... yet I grieve the loss of time with her greatly.
I grieve for many things, old and new. Most I allow in to be felt and let them go easily. This has taken practice, patience, persistence and a lot of grace for myself. (Even when others have none.)
Grief makes me feel ungrateful for the amazing parts of my life yet it rushes in threatening to crush my soul. Most days I do ok. But right now I struggle more than usual.
That doesn't mean I'm not grateful.
That doesn't mean I can't be happy.
That doesn't mean I can hide.
That doesn't mean I don't still love those who I'm with. Immensely.
It just means I love people greatly and I don't let that go without standing in the gap for a minute.
So, here I stand. In the gap.
I'll walk out of the water soon and it will be ok.
If you're in the gap, it's ok. Be there and feel it. It's necessary to feel it. Real love does not wash away with a little bit of water.
Just Don't Forget to walk out.
It's a place you are allowed to re-visit when you need to.
As the flowing water washes across your legs...
Ready to walk out with me?
***Addition:
People ask, "what can I do?" or are "So sorry for you."
I don't need or want people to do anything except
1. Know it's ok.
2. Stand beside me.
3. Give yourself grace when you get too the gap.
4. Share this with someone in the gap.
Let's look grief in the face together and knows it's normal.
How in control are you of what words your use on you in your own head?
I believe it's actually one of the few things you're actually in control of.
What you allow in your world INCLUDES your own thoughts. ♥️
When you allow the biggest built in the room to be you, you might be doing it wrong. Why not be the kindest person in the room?
What can you do to catch those thoughts in mid sentence and reprogram them?
First, Just notice them. Let yourself catch them and count how many times a day, an hour.... you're mean to you. After that you're in charge.
Come up with new things that are good for you and replace them. INTENTIONALLY!
Thanks to BB for inspiring me today. The world is your oyster and you can have whatever you want!